It's amazing how quick our thoughts, our emotions or even our life can change. My move to here was quick. But today... well, my general mood has been the same all day and the weather reflects it well. I realize one thought I had today is also a reflection of that. (I was thinking maybe I would just go back, but I don't really want to do that. I do love living here.)
It's a rainy, gloomy day. I feel sad and glum. Today would have been my brother-in-law's birthday if he hadn't passed away earlier this year. It's also a rather uneventful day here at work so I have less to focus on. I tried listening to music and focusing on my emails (Which are in desperate need of massive focus) but I kept hearing songs that made me think too much and well... I really don't want to cry. I thought about just going home but as the only official person in the office, that's not the best idea either.
So here I sit. Trying to focus on the emails and occasionally staring out the window into the grey gloom, watching water stream down the windows.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Fat girls can dance too
Now, no one has ever told me differently but I've let my struggles with weight dictate my actions for sooo long I stopped myself from doing it. It took 3 tequila strong margaritas and some pumping music to bring it back to me. One of the best things about going out with my friends in college was the dancing. Actually, it was second only to hanging out with my friends.
Am I good at it? Most likely not. I'm not expert in the field and I can't see myself so I can't really judge. However, chances are... no. I probably look jerky, uncoordinated and without rhythm. I know my hair frizzes to unbelievable proportions (especially when it rains as it did last night) and my face gets very red and shiny. And now there's the added bonus of being more jiggly than I used to be. But you know what?
None of that matters.
What does matter is how I feel when I get out there and "shake my groove thang." And all I feel is the music and the dance. I can forget the work that needs done, the little things I've forgotten to do, the stress of the week. I can just let it go and enjoy. Just have fun. This is what I've been stopping myself from doing? Why?
Ultimately, it was because I cared too much about what others thought and not enough about me. I don't even know if anyone around noticed me, what I was doing or how I looked doing it. (Not counting the people I was with of course.) There were a couple random people too. Otherwise I doubt the rest paid even the scantest attention; if they did I didn't care. If they were lucky they were as involved in their own dance as much as I was in mine.
I felt happier than I have in a very long time, more relaxed and upbeat and just plain good. I hope this is a lesson I can remember for the next time I have a night out.
Am I good at it? Most likely not. I'm not expert in the field and I can't see myself so I can't really judge. However, chances are... no. I probably look jerky, uncoordinated and without rhythm. I know my hair frizzes to unbelievable proportions (especially when it rains as it did last night) and my face gets very red and shiny. And now there's the added bonus of being more jiggly than I used to be. But you know what?
None of that matters.
What does matter is how I feel when I get out there and "shake my groove thang." And all I feel is the music and the dance. I can forget the work that needs done, the little things I've forgotten to do, the stress of the week. I can just let it go and enjoy. Just have fun. This is what I've been stopping myself from doing? Why?
Ultimately, it was because I cared too much about what others thought and not enough about me. I don't even know if anyone around noticed me, what I was doing or how I looked doing it. (Not counting the people I was with of course.) There were a couple random people too. Otherwise I doubt the rest paid even the scantest attention; if they did I didn't care. If they were lucky they were as involved in their own dance as much as I was in mine.
I felt happier than I have in a very long time, more relaxed and upbeat and just plain good. I hope this is a lesson I can remember for the next time I have a night out.
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